the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
