love makes seman taste better
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
