she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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