So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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