I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize