I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
