i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I want to fling myself into the sun
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
