forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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