Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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