dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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