Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
