is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize