I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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