I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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