we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
bring money and cleavage
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
