walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
