so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
