He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
this beer tastes like vomit already
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
And then he peed in my hair
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