We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize