I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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