Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
