i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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