Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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