Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
