so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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