apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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