Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
