Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
