so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
