Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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