We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
