I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
