i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
