Got a toothbrush?
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Yo dont text me then not text me
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Randomize
