I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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