Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
