remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
