dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
