Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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