ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize