she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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