Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
