ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
