my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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