We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
