as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
