And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
