i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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