my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
