I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
