..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just found a bag of teeth...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
