Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
