Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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