So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
