omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
