I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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