I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
