Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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