Cold hands, warm shart.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
