i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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