Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
