Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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