Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
why do cheetos always look like penises
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
