tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The ass gains better be worth it
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