i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She even gives head with a lisp.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
