i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
