if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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