im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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