JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
