words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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