Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How does one acquire holy water?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
