my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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