Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
